Random ASS Shits....

"secret element"

taken from ncr

Big Lan wrote:A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter
and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man guesses
there must be thousands of dollars in it!
He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's up with the jar?'
'Well... you pay ten dollars... and IF you pass three tests you get
all the money!!!'
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up!

'What are the three tests?'
So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the
jar...
?OK,? the bartender says, 'here's what you need to do...
FIRST: You have to drink that ENTIRE GALLON of pepper tequila, the
WHOLE thing, all at ONCE... and you CAN'T make a face while doing
it...

SECOND: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore
tooth...You have to REMOVE the tooth with your BARE HANDS...

THIRD: There's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who has NEVER reached
orgasm during intercourse..

You've gotta MAKE THINGS RIGHT for her.'

The man is stunned... 'I KNOW I paid my 10 bucks... but I'm not an
IDIOT! I WON'T DO IT!!! You have to be NUTS to drink a gallon of
pepper tequila, and then do those OTHER THINGS!!!'
Your call,' says the bartender, 'but your MONEY stays where it is..'
The man has a few drinks... then a few more...
Finally...he asks, 'WHERRRRE'S ZAAAT TEQUIIIILA?!'
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big
slurp...tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a
face...

Next...he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up...
The people inside the bar hear a HUGE, NOISY SCUFFLE going on
outside. They hear the pit bull barking... the guy screaming... the
pit bull yelping... and then SILENCE.

Just when they think the man SURELY must be dead, he staggers back
into the bar .. with his shirt ripped... and large, bloody scratches
all over his body...

'NOW.......' he says,

WHERES THAT OLD WOMAN WITH THE SORE TOOTH ?!?!?!?

Eunos R wrote:A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. ‘Careful,’ he said, ‘CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We n eed more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’ The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’ The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’

Eunos R wrote:Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, “Son… what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3 A. M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT!… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time . .

Priceless!

and heard on 98Rock today,

Guy comes home and sees his wife packing her suitcase. He asks her, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. Hookers there are getting paid $400 a night for having sex, while I'm giving it to you for free." So the wife finishes packing and as she was about to leave, sees her husband also holding a packed suitcase. Wondering what was going on, the wife asks, "Where are you going?" The husband replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas to see how you could live with $800 a year."

Otaku alert: The type Char 3 helmet.


There's nothing wrong with wanting to look like a cartoon robot-Available through lalabitmarket

Pussik's virtual Lego trike.


Pussik's
virtual Lego trike. Every block is rendered singly. The model has 126
255 tris and 53 829 polygons and can be downloaded for $50.00 via turbosquid

Anime: Genesis Climber Mospeada.



http://thenewcaferacersociety.blogspot.com/2008/05/anime-genesis-climber-mospeada-mospeada.html

i wonder if that helmet is DOT approved?

18 Things A Grown Man Should Never Have


1. A black eye. Unless the rim hits your face mid-dunk, your peepers should remain unblemished. You're smart enough to talk your way out of any fight you're going to lose.

2. A witty e-mail signature. Quotes and song lyrics should be heard during toasts and karaoke performances, respectively. Don't let your electronic correspondence become the digital version of a motivational poster.

3. An empty refrigerator. Your larder should be amply stocked, your pantry provisioned. Always aim to be ready to create an on-the-fly, three-course dinner for her...along with breakfast in bed.

4. PlayStation thumb. When they're relaxing, grown men can behave like children. But if you devolve long enough to cause calluses or button-shaped bruises, you're assuredly missing out on life.

5. A key chain with a bottle opener. This bauble is both a gauche reminder of your college days and proof that you don't know how to apply leverage using available, impromptu bottle openers: a lighter, the back end of a fork.

6. A lucky shirt. Every shirt is lucky when worn by a man who knows that the harder he works the luckier he'll be.

7. An unstamped passport.

8. Olympic dreams. Exceptions: curling and archery.

9. Less than $20 in his wallet. Fiduciary nudity is negligence. A real man should always carry a business card and enough dough to pick up coffee, bagels, and the Sunday paper without whipping out the plastic.

10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name.

11. Any beer that costs less than $20 a case. And no exception for the grand-slam 30-pack that crosses that price threshold.

12. The need to quote The Big Lebowski/ Caddyshack/Superbad. Reciting someone else's lines reminds people that you haven't the wit to write your own.

13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, "Take me on your futon."

14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.

15. A Nerf hoop in his living room. Keep the adolescent accoutrements where they belong: in the rec room or above the wastebasket in someone else's office.

16. A secret handshake.

17. Drinking glasses with logos. Especially those kitschy McDonald's Hamburglar ones.

18. A recent story with the phrase "So I said to the cop…"

Man prank calls 911 to get out of traffic ticket

07:40 AM CDT on Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Hazelwood, MO (KMOV) -- Some people will do anything to get out of a traffic ticket.

A man in north St. Louis County tried something pretty extreme during a routine traffic stop.

A Hazelwood officer says he noticed the passenger making a cell phone call.

It turns out, the man called in a fake robbery at a nearby convenience store, hoping the officer would have to respond to that instead of writing his friend a ticket.

He was busted when the dispatcher heard the officer in the background.

The Price is WRONG BITCH!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/447330/

i guess you can't blame her for trying

no u can't....

but can call her a dumbass.

nto sure if any of u guys go to raves, but I try to go to at least 2-4 a year..... anyhoo, this was probalby ONE of the best ones that i've gone to...

I got to shake hands and talk to Dj Colette ( the most awesome-es DJ ever) and they did somethign that I'd never seen before..

Chicks doing stunts on ropes? fuken awesome

^ what is that????

L Rock wrote:nto sure if any of u guys go to raves, but I try to go to at least 2-4 a year..... anyhoo, this was probalby ONE of the best ones that i've gone to...

I got to shake hands and talk to Dj Colette ( the most awesome-es DJ ever) and they did somethign that I'd never seen before..

Chicks doing stunts on ropes? fuken awesome

mm, i got a friend who does stuff like that for fun and to workout. one of her friends got her involved since the guy got recruited by the cirque de soleil.
its getting more popular in socal, and i guess vegas, and there's a few gyms in berkeley who offer training for flying gymnastics.

L Rock wrote:^ what is that????

the Geek Hierarchy

L Rock wrote:^ what is that????

your family tree

lol...last time i chedk...i had no furries in my family...

i heard the dj... blew the circit box and the whole place went with no electricity. hahaha my boy tin and his friends go to raves all the time.. and before that.. he slumped so0o loud that his amp cought on fire. and he signed with disney for pirates of the caribian... i think that was him.. or was that another famous trance dj.. i dont know. i'm not a etard.

Yes, the rave ended at 1 instead of the 2...supposedly there was a "power outtage" and all the equipment just blew... everyone was pretty ticked...

i did hear that they are going to throw a free event over the summer to make up for the power outtage.

a friend of mine went...and she drove from socal. the power outtage happened when the dj she WANTED to see was on. dj teisto. she was pretty pissed that his set got cut off

lol...her and like 10,000 other people were pretty pissed too...

but if she came from SoCal.....did she go to the Afterparty at Ruby Skye. He was spinning there afterwards

that's the dj my boys were talking about. dj teiso all you gotta do is say the name and everyone just go wild.